chibicandy01's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Break down here
I have a few months tell I am twenty years old, give me the strength to pull above my fears to face my feared self and identify my ideal self. If I can find the courage to hold a positive global self image, LORD, well, then I can make those dreams I've had come true. I have a mid-term coming up Lord, and as you already know I have to pass these classes this year. Sorry Lord, But you know that those ADVANCED classes in Lakewood High School that I took were, "how do I say it?" Anyway, lord, My point is, Highschool completely stripped me of any self esteem and every time I come up with an Exam that means the world to me, I feel scared and I can barely even lift the book to study. Failure, I keep hearing that in my head, Lord, I have overcome the depression, for the majority of the time, but the fear of failure. That endless fear. I read a 500 hundred page book at the age of 12. And hundreds of books from then on. How many people can say that>? Now, Lord, forgive me *I say that a lot* Understand I'm still pretty knew at this., forgive me for being so boastful but Lord I think you understand. Sometimes I sit outside on the porch swing, or just the porch and stare at the sky and I have such a feeling of longing that it take s my breath away. Lord what does all this mean? Give me luck for my Exam tommorow lord! Protect her from her own criticisim. And guide her onto the right path. Lord, Also, I pray that you carry her, like in that footprints she loves so much, carry her so that she might get through the pain in her life. Thank you lord. I know that this is strange to write out a prayor to the Lord in this diary. But if you take a look at some of previous entries you'll understand. I have had such difficulty, and many more... Entries are focused on the 8 domains of the self image. See your psychology adolescent book for that one. Anyway, * OH, and I hope that it doesn't focus too much on the bitterness I have towards my highschool years. The Lord knows how hard it is for me to even drive by the school. SOmetimes it's hard to face the pain of past. But I am slowly. Just the other night I visited some other websites. Hell, I even visited my own website. And that is achievment to my mental status. I am slowly facing the person i use to be. And facing the fact that I am still that person I just buried her inside. So I have faith that I can. Anyway... Here's another prayor. GOD! HELP ME, I do this every day and I am scared. What if I can't do it? I can get up every morning, with a reason a purpose, that I am here in this world to make a difference. And on Oct. 31 st I will go out there with the Red Cross ... I will be strong and I will be a Disastor Action Team Rider Eventually... And I will be this volunteer who helps. I am that volunteer now. And, LORD, for that I am proud, I am proud of myself. LORD! This is Candice, I'm face that girl who overdosed, I face that girl in the hospital mirror. MY face. Every day, and every day as I am the one who faces that girl and the mirror. And LORD, Let me have the strength to be me.
And if on the occasion someone does read this, well, I hope it gives you some idea of the human mind. It is fascinating. I am in college right now and I plan to study psychology... Experimental study, and hopeful get my md. love Candice.
Break Down Here
[Chorus:] Under fifty-thousand miles ago [Repeat Chorus Twice] It's to late to turn around Mile marker 215 3:35 p.m. - 2004-10-26 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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