chibicandy01's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- hmmm Well. life has returned to normal. or has it. OK, just so everyone knows I am haaaving trouble with school I cant get my homework done for some strange reason it just doesnt want to get donei keep trying but i cant seem to overcome my pain at being unable to get it right.. I feel so stupid some times I mean if only i could do it then perhaps i might be smart .. well if the walls could talk they would say that i could have done it and did it good but i couldnt put down that book.. I am doind it again i am losin myslelf in fantasy and i can t stop.. I went to a psychiatrist who tried to tell me i wasnt losin my mind but i am again.. i havent started to read and i cant put it down and get my homework done.. some may it crazy i call it lazy I cant avoid the pain forever so instead i kkeep hiding and avoiding the inevitavble.. I love words did you know that.. I love the word evanescent.. it is a word it means to tend to vanish like vapor.. did i tell you that before i probably have even i dont remember .. i am starting to forget again .. they said the pills will help but they arent can t you tell.. I want to have a normal life.. i dont want to fear for my sanity ... i dont want to be fake why do i fear that.. right now i am at Stephs.. and i am haaving fun .. but sometimes i catch myself and wonder is it real i mean really real.. or will it all just be a dream or something i read in a book.. i imagine so many things and in my own dream world something may have happened but in the real world it hasnt why not it is kind of weird to face that fear.. Hey I hate onions nothing personal it is just they reallly bother me and they smell and yeah i feel bad that i cant like them... and well now i am just babbling but i cant help it .. i just want to talk about me.. i like to do that sometimes when i get scared or something .. work sucks it really does .. it is so hard to stand for hours doing so much bagging and typing on the cash register... wait my bad i mean "computer" and the customers "guests" all are shity and stuff.. and yeah .. hey i think i am failing english .. me that subject??? why i should be able to get a good grade but i cant do my homework... Dammit there should be a pill for that.. but my doc person says it is just that i cant move on with my life and get over all the probs that i deal with and when iget home i try to forget and live in my imaginary world... !! hey i dont do that it is just that i hate it the way my life is i mean .. i hate being who i am... ireally do ... ok enough of that shit.. I am at a sleepover and am am am having fun I luv these sleepovers.. Allie is the funnest ! Christine is too! and steph is awesome.. I think it means a lot to be together doing friends stuff .. Hey why the hell am i in here writing in my diary when i could be in the other room with them and watch Ceres that anime that is the best but is very sad.. I should be in their with them... Hey welll i think i will go in their now... (MY SPELLLING SUCKS TODAY WRITING FAST) byebye sABRIEL AND CANDY "loVE YA" 12:00 a.m. - 2001-12-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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