chibicandy01's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- .+.. Mary popp=]nsNightmare 8-+ "Get up come on get down with the sickness.... " : The scarecrow pointed me in the wrong direction... AGAIN... Man my nonexisistant love life has once again been a cause of my increasing sorrow... Damn STRAIGHT ... This bites I , who probably has a crush on every cute guy in this world can;t even talk to a guy without being a total dork.. Man this sucks... I am not that big of a dork...Yeah well maybe I am but hey you dont have to admit that to me... MOn Dieu i am Listening to My sisters Cd .. hmmm ONe WORd DiStUrBeD Ok good cd... Lets me yell at the world without the real yelling part... They practically say it all for me.. Anyway I am going to go skating tommorow.. i love the feel of floating across the ice.. As if my weight does not matter.. That I am no different from anyone else who scrapes the blade against the ice to move smoothly across... Dang, poetic though it may be it sure hurts the ankles when you only wear one pair of socks... hey another cool thing is that It makes me feel like I am running and it doesn't make me gasp for air or reach for that pathetic inhaler... Life Is Shit when your to big to be any thing else... Hey come on I am not complaining.. I get by YEp WITH a Smile and some hopeful optimistic attitude.. And I swear I didn't eat that carmello ealier .. Ok well I splurged .. I know how am I ever going to Be a toothpick if I dont get serious... But man it sucks... Ok So enough about that sob story .. LEt me tell you about the nightmare I had a couple days.. ago... Well I had just finished watching 3By 3 eyes and the ending was so sad.. Then I got really "Not happy" And went upstairs and I went to bed in the Computer room locking my cat out .. (She is very pesty when I dont feel well .. She always seems to think clawiing into my skin will make it better) Ok so here I am just putting on my headphones (Which really dont work only one side comes through so yeah sucked big time) And I put in Papa Roach ... Great DEPRESsy song of course.. Makes me feel a whole lot better !!! Hell no.. But anyway that is not the point.. Ok so I am sitting there thinking of all kinds of dark thoughts.. When all of a sudden I get an image of death... I keep closing my eyes and seeing those memories in my mind... ( old scars in my head which havent really been dealt with just pushed far into my mind) i cant seem to shake the feeling that the darkness is waiting.. And of course I start to get the strongest urge to cry and surrcomb to self pity for just that instant... I keep seeing other possiblities happening like what If I did get in that accident .. or it that one time I slipped off the cliff or log I didn't just get lucky but hit my head on the rock ... What if 's ... Every time I try to close my eyes I keep thinking about it... Then of course the thoughts take on characters like .. This demon guy creature who use to haunt me when I was really little .. I use to get this re curring dream until I realized that if I just belived I wouldn't have a bad dream .. Then the guy just went.. away. Yeah well I haven't had a nightmare in months.. and this was like a waking nightmare.. i kept trying to go to sleep .. My eyes were heavy and I couldn't keep them open I was so god forsaken tired and I was kind of in a sleep mode.. So When I finally realized that I was still awake and that I wasn't going to kill my cat or fall off the cliff or the creatures weren't trying to tear me apart and all that shit , I finally started to realize that I would have this nightmare if I didn't stop It ... I have had some pretty scary nightmares some even resulting with me waking up in terror and hiding under the covers.. ME a 16 year old girl .,... afraid of that unknown... Anyway like I said I haven't had a nightmare for months and htis was pure torture ... It was like I was drugged and couldn't get my boddy to control itself.. I felt my self slowly falling aslseepp and that night mare gripping in its excurciating thrall but thats when I saw my headphones .. I lifted my hand , that was very (weak all of a sudden), and I picked upthe closest cd ...(remember this is a queen size bed and lots of room so my cd player and every thing is on it as well) and I drag it to the player putting it in and listening to the headphones... Finally while listening to Mary poppins "Spoon full of sugar helps the medicine go down.." I fell alseep without the scary spider s crawling in my skin or the raven whispering to me like in Edgar Allans Poes "The Raven" .//// I fell into a dreamless sleep... So anyway the moral of my story is that if you are going to go to bed Don't listen to Papa Roach or think about everything bad in your life.. because you'll end up like me afraid to fall asleep because the memories and nightmares are mixed together and there to inflict the fear and pain only they can bring... So if you can realize before you actually go into the darkness ( for me it was about an hour later... I really was tired but couldn't close my eyes because I kept feeling that sense of nightmares or fear ... ( I cant explain any beter this so deal with it sorry ) ) take out MARY POPPINS and be HAPPY with the knowledge that when you are listeing to that song no bad things can get you... OK well if you could understand any of what i was trying to tell you up there I applaud you YEAH!!! WOW !! I sure as heellll dont get it.... Ok so Now I am tired and guess what I have been listeing TO disturbed and yeah I NEVER LEARN DAMMIT.... Now I will probably have a hard time getting to sleep ... Oh well ... So PLease I need you all to write me a note or go to my GUEST BOOK just click on the bottom picture s OR GO To My other diary Sabriel !!!!11 Love sabe, Evanescent 11:54 p.m. - 2001-11-20 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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