chibicandy01's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Sick day BORED~REad this entry please I have one question for everyone? But since you probably never even check this thingy out it doesn't matter if I receive an answer. How do you see me when you look at me ... Is it the same way as I see myself or do you see that image staring at me in the mirror?? Well if you see the thing in the mirror you are not seeing me.. "You can't see me if Ican't see you" meaning if you are not looking into my eyes you can not see the real me inside. I Am C.R.W and i have feelings thoughts emotions and most of that little thing called pain.. That dwells inside of me each day tearing me apart inside ... Does anyone else feel that? no, I quess not because there is just too much thought in my head and I just want it to go away.... Makes me wannan run away and hide... No more people there to judge me ... No one to look to closely.. Noone to see me fall apart. Sometimes I can stop this self-pity but then like times like this I can't help it .. It hurts to much to keep going. i never told you how i see myself... well now I will.. i see someone split , one side of beauty , longing, hope, and kindness, then the other side I see the anger, the hopelessness, the intense hatred of ones own feelings, the pain , making this person scared with memories , regrets, and jelousy. That other side is hidden under part of her hair because she can't face the world and show them what she looks like the scars on her face run too deep and disfigured to let go. Now why do I see that person as me? well that is how I feel inside so when i look in the mirror I think of those feelings and see the image as someone else not me. I want to be the beautiful one but reality intrudes upon my fantasy. boring feeling stuff ... :} You know I really can't stand talking about how I feel but sometimes when one is sick and home alone they need to vent a little... Oh yeah Seka ...I am sorry that i didn't eat anything yesterday but I couldn't It was just to disturbing to eat.. But I kind of wish I did make myself eat because I almost fainted or passed out during Marching Band practice... stupid me:} So today I have been able to eat some chicken noodle soup (but my stomach is hurting from just eating that) anyway I feel a little better I dont know if I will eat any more but we shall see how this day ends.. Oh yeah this morning I couldn't get up my head just jurt too much to go to school sorry guys :} Anyway My cd (Linkin Park `allie gave3 me) is skipping at least my two fav songs on it are ok ;{ :} Peaches (my pup) can do some tricks although she probably has already forgetton them.. i taught her (all i did today besides watch Crest of Stars , Windalei, Video Girl Ai `good anime) how to sit , give me her paw (which she couldn't get and kept getting mad at me because she was frustrated and wanted the treat) and lie down.. But eventually she got the idea .. Tres mignon n'est pas???? Ok well this enough for this entry talk later -- candy aka sailor J or if you prefer Sabriel :} 5:25 p.m. - 2001-10-18 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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